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Fashion 9 months ago

I will grow through this.

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I saw this graphic on instagram the other day with a bunch of different affirmations on it. At the top of the graphic it says “which affirmation do you need for the week ahead?” and the one that really stood out to me was “I will grow through this.”

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Most of you guys know we have been walking through infertility for about 2 years now and it has been a very long road with lots of emotions and ups and downs and questions and tears and shots and counseling. We are actually starting the IVF process pretty soon and for the longest time…the thought of IVF not only really freaked me out but made me mad. I just thought “I don’t want to that to be part of my story. I just want to have sex and get pregnant and move on.” I didn’t want to do IVF because I didn’t want to have to do IVF and I was convinced if we just….tried hard enough, eventually we could just get pregnant. As silly as that sounds.

But…something in me has kind of shifted in the past few weeks, as we are gearing up to start IVF. I’m no longer dreading it with the thought “I didn’t want this to be my story”, but instead I’m accepting that this is where we are at and I honestly feel so thankful that we GET to go through this process to hopefully make another baby. And this mindset shift from anger to gratitude has changed everything.

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That affirmation I read on instagram “I will grow through this” has kind of become my new mantra through this season. No, I would not have chosen infertility for us or for anyone else I know. It’s the hardest road I’ve ever had to walk but now, two years into it I’m seeing…I am growing through this. I am a different woman now that I was two years ago. I know I’m so much stronger, my priorities have shifted, I love Jesus and cling to Him in a deeper way, our marriage roots have grown so much stronger…I could go on. (And I know, we aren’t even close to being done with this season yet!).

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So, I’m not sure what you are walking through right now. Maybe it’s the loss of your job or relationship struggles, and maybe you find yourself just feeling MAD about it, which is more than valid and something I experience almost daily. But I want to encourage you to look at your situation and ask yourself “what if I could grow through this? how can I grow through this?”

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. 

James 1:2-4

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Nothing about this season of infertility is easy and I 100% still have days where I feel mad or Sundays at church where I cry through the entire worship portion. But I now find myself thanking the Lord for this opportunity to grow and I ask Him to use this season to refine me and grow my faith and grow my trust in Him. I look at this chapter of our lives asking myself “what if I could grow through this?”

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Whatever fire you might be walking through right now…know that my heart & prayers are with you! I also pray that through this season you come out the other side so much stronger and knowing the pain had a purpose and you are better because of it.

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Thanks for reading friends! So thankful for you guys.

xo Lauren

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