A lot of you guys DM’d me yesterday, friends and family reached out via text with really kind words saying they figured mother’s day would be hard for me because of our infertility journey and two recent miscarriages. and i’m not going to lie…the day was definitely slightly tainted with sadness. But, I think only by the grace of God, over these past few weeks He has truly opened up my eyes to how much I have to be thankful for, even in the midst of a hard season. And I am really starting to learn how much gratitude changes everything. Yes, of course my heart is still grieving our losses, but when my heart is also overwhelmed with gratitude for what i DO have, I’m able to live daily with joy. So today I wanted to share the main things I’ve been feeling overwhelmingly thankful for, especially on Mother’s Day.
About a week after our most recent miscarriage I was in the shower one morning, and I heard the pitter patter toddler elephant feet RUNNING down the hall towards my bathroom around 7:30am. Usually I would hear that and think “shoot I need to cut my shower short because she’s up”, but this time was different. I was nearly brought to tears over how thankful I felt that I GET TO HEAR those little elephant feet running through my house. That at some point, the Lord allowed me to get pregnant and carry that baby all the way to delivery and now I’M HER MOMMY. I know it may sound so simple but I’m getting teary eyed just writing this post.
I went to a Mother’s Day Tea at her school last week and usually events like that make me sad because all of the other moms also have a baby with them and/or they’re pregnant and I feel so reminded and sad about the fact that Shiloh is an only child. But last week it was different. I felt SO THANKFUL to be at that Mother’s Day tea. My mind is honestly blown that the Lord blessed us with Shiloh 3 1/2 years ago and that I get to be a mommy. Even though we clearly wanted more than just one child, the fact that He blessed us with one is truly a miracle and the greatest gift in the world.
honestly even before I was a mom mother’s day has always been such a sweet holiday because i love celebrating my mom. she is the easiest person to celebrate. she raised 6 kids, homeschooled all of us for a huge chunk of our lives, taught us about loving Jesus, and to this day is one of my best friends. i’ve also been in this sweet season with my mom, as she has walked with me through these miscarriages coming from a place of empathy as this is something she’s walked through herself multiple times. as heartbreaking as this season has been, it really has brought us even closer and i just feel so thankful for her.
michael + our family dynamic
michael and i don’t really have the conventional family setup. michael helps me with my business but I am primarily the one working 40+ hours a week and he is the primary caregiver for Shiloh. there are definitely times where I wish we had a different set up – where he worked and I could just play with Shiloh all day. but i have so many friends who have told me their husbands almost never see their kids during the week because they’re gone working all day and get home after 7pm. i have felt so thankful lately how michael and i can really tag team both work and being with shiloh. i take her to gymnastics on tuesdays, he does ballet on thursdays. i get her up in the mornings and do breakfast and then he takes her to school. we both get to see shiloh throughout the day, every single day, and even though there are some challenges to our situation…i wouldn’t change it for anything. and i feel so thankful that shiloh gets to spend so much time everyday with an incredible daddy.
learning from other mamas
we’ve also been in a really sweet season for the past year, making so many new friends in our neighborhood. some of my best girl friends live within walking distance from my house and we’ve become such good friends with their families (we all have kids the same age too). it’s not only been fun to hang out and make new friends but it’s really encouraged me as a mom to just learn from other moms! how they do bedtime routines or how they talk to their kids about God or how we can raise our daughters to be secure women who love jesus. i’ve learned so much from my sisters or other girlfriends who are moms – from small things to big things and I just feel so thankful for the community God has blessed us with right now.
Maybe this Mother’s Day was a little tainted for you too. Or maybe you’re also walking through a season of grief or loss. I know it sounds so cliche to say ‘find the silver lining’, and depending on your circumstances, that might feel impossible. If it does, I want to encourage you to pray and ask the Lord to give you a heart of gratitude. To shift your perspective and open your eyes up to all the goodness he has poured out into your life. It has made all the difference for me in the middle of walking through a really hard season.
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Love you guys! So thankful for each of you.