lyla turned one year old this past sunday – like WHAT?! truly the FASTEST year of my whole life. i feel like it was 3 days ago when we were heading to the hospital, in excruciating pain haha or when shiloh met her sister for the first time. i cannot believe it’s been a year.
i know everyone has different opinions on which is harder – the transition from 0 to 1 or transition from 1 to 2. for me, the transition from 1 to 2 kids was definitely more challenging! but i have learned SO much this past year about being a mom of 2. i’ve been surprised by a lot, grown, adapted, been challenged in new ways, and loved every minute of it. so today i wanted to share some of the biggest lessons i’ve learned in the past year about being a mom of 2!
one. God’s timing truly is perfect
i know this sounds so cliche but it really is so true, and has proven true in my own life especially in this past year. most of you guys know we struggled for years to get pregnant with lyla. i had my life perfectly planned out – i wanted 3 or 4 kids all about 2ish years apart. that’s not how it worked out for us – lyla & shiloh are almost 5 years apart. and to be honest…i wouldn’t have it any other way. i absolutely LOVE their age gap so much. shiloh is such an amazing helper, and since she was almost 5 years old when lyla was born, she was able to do a lot of things on her own while i needed to spend lots of time with a newborn. now that they are 6 and 1, they are both OBSESSED with each other! watching them play together or shiloh be a little mom to lyla seriously makes me SO happy.
but when we were in the midst of secondary infertility, i was heartbroken that i wouldn’t have kids 2 years apart like i wanted. i thought the big age gap would be so hard. it has its own challenges but honestly, i am SO thankful things turned out like they did. because we love the almost 5 year age gap between them! makes me think of the verse in proverbs that says ‘man can plan his ways but the Lord determines his steps.’ God’s timing really is perfect, even if you’re in the middle of a hard season and it doesn’t feel that way. i promise, he has not forgotten you.
two. prioritizing time with your spouse…gets harder
i’d imagine this is even more true as you have more & more kids haha. but when we just had one kid, date nights were pretty easy. or finding one on one time wasn’t hard – if shiloh was at mother’s day out or with michael’s mom or taking a nap etc we could find lots of pockets in the day to have some one on one time together. it’s a lot harder to come by with 2 kids and typically not something you will just ‘stumble upon’. we’ve had to be way more conscious + proactive about scheduling date nights. about connecting with each other at the end of the day after the girls are in bed. it’s really easy to just go into ‘get stuff done’ mode with your spouse (ie: ‘you take her to school, i’ll stay home with lyla’, ‘you pick up from soccer, i’ll take lyla to the doctor’ etc etc). to where it might seem like you see or talk to your spouse a lot, but that doesn’t mean you’re really connecting.
since having lyla, michael and i have really tried to prioritize a date night at least twice a month. we also try to just sit on the couch together after the girls go down to talk / connect about our days. it’s not something that just naturally ‘happens’, (at least not for us), so we have to be really mindful about making these moments of connection happen.
three. never underestimate the power of 15 minutes
when i first had lyla, i had so much fear / mom guilt around not having enough time with shiloh. a newborn baby needs their mama 24/7, but shiloh was only 4 years old and i didn’t want her to feel neglected! even now that lyla is 1 and shiloh is 6, i find it challenging to give each one of them individual attention. but i have learned there is SO much power in just 15mins of dedicated, focused, phone-free, one-on-one time with your child. even if i have a really busy work day or need to get dinner started, i can carve out at least 15 minutes to go in the playroom with shiloh, make a fort, and play barbies. and it means SO much to her and even those 15 minutes connect us and grow our relationship so much. as a mom (especially a working mom), it can be tempting to think ‘ok i just need to take the whole day off work and go to the zoo and plan all these fun activities to be with my kid’, and finding those days might be tricky depending on your family / life situation. but being intentional about 15 min pockets of time where you’re not on your phone, you let your kid decide what they want to do, and just being fully present…is SO powerful!
four. your heart really does grow with love
another thing i was worried about with having a second kid – ‘there’s no way i’ll be able to love this baby as much as i love shiloh! she was my first born! she made me a mom! i can’t imagine sharing this same bond / love with another baby.’ and every mom told me ‘your heart really does just grow with each kid’, and i didn’t believe them lol. but IT’S TRUE. from the moment i held lyla in my arms it was like i had known her my whole life. my love for lyla / bond with lyla is different than it is with shiloh because they are two different humans and we have two different relationships. and that’s okay! but my LOVE for both of them is absolutely unconditional and overwhelming. so if you’re about to be a mom of two i promise you…your heart will grow an entirely new chamber of love for your new baby. it is miraculous and so beautiful to experience.
five. don’t forget to carve out time for yourself
i know a lot of you might be eye rolling at this if you are a working mom or a single mom or have a husband who works 80hrs a week. it’s tough. i get it. and the more kids you have, the harder it is. but…you taking time to do things that fill YOUR cup truly makes you a better mom and a better wife. i’m not saying you need to go to a spa every week but…carving out 15mins in the morning to do breath work and meditation. or waking up a little earlier to go to a yoga class that you love. or scheduling a happy hour with your best girl friends. intentionally carve out + find pockets of time to do things that make you happy, that make you feel like you. i am very fortunate that michael stays home with the girls so he can watch them if i want to go to a workout class or go for a walk with a girlfriend. but as a working mom, and a mom of 2, it’s really easy to get caught up in the to-do lists and deadlines and school events and doctor’s appts etc etc and before you know it…you have zero space in your routine for things that just make you happy! or for rest! so, KNOW what those things are that fill your cup and try and make time for them each week, if not each day!
i’ve only been a mom of 2 for one year, so i know i still have SO much to learn, and i can’t wait to continue to grow in my role as Shiloh & Lyla’s mama. if you’re a mom of 2 (or 3 or 4 etc!) comment some of the biggest life lessons motherhood has taught you lately!
thanks for reading!
xo Lauren
