what I learned in year 4 of marriage + big announcement!
So March is one of my favorite months of the year – my birthday (march 16th) and our wedding anniversary (28th) all in the same month! This year we are celebrating 4 years of marriage, which is so crazy to think about. It honestly feels like we just had our 1 year anniversary. Honestly, this past year will be a hard one to beat. We moved to Colorado a year ago, and then spent the year getting to know our new home, finding a new church, making new friends, and LOTS of travel! We learned how to be business partners (sort of haha still figuring it out), meaning LOTS of time together (which of course I love, but it also presents new challenges). Overall, this past year has been truly amazing, filled with so many blessings, and will be a hard one to top.
Along with all of the changes that happened over the past year though, we also experienced our share of “growing pains”, or challenges that can come with transition. We’ve grown closer and stronger through it, but not without putting in the work. When I was trying to think of the biggest thing I learned about marriage this past year…the following quote came to mind:
Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.
Now, don’t get me wrong. This quote didn’t come to mind because our marriage has been marked by pain and difficulty haha. But, more so because nothing in life worth having will come easy. When you think of healthy, joyful, God-glorifying, fun, beautiful marriages…those didn’t just happen by taking the easy road.
Even when your marriage is in a “good place”, meaning: you’re not fighting, things are fine, you’re happy, he’s happy…in order to have a thriving and intimate marriage…you’ve got to put in the work. Sometimes “putting in the work” means deciding not to bring your phones to dinner and engage in deeper conversations. Sometimes it means waking up a few minutes earlier to surprise your husband with a love note in his lunch he takes to work. Sometimes “putting in the work” looks like choosing patience when you’re level of irritability is at an all time high.
Of course before Michael and I got married…I’d always heard that “marriage is work”. But I always thought that just meant it’s work because you’ll fight a lot and get mad at each other. While that may also be true…I’m learning that marriage is work because to truly find emotional, physical, spiritual intimacy with your spouse takes work! Every single day. Choosing to daily pursue and love your spouse takes work and effort and a conscience choice. It takes a conscience choice to choose not to just “coast” in your marriage or just be “fine”…but to choose selfless love and growth in your marriage. Every single day.
I have far from mastered this concept of making a daily choice to love and serve and pursue Michael in the day-to-day…but I can say, when we have made that choice, it’s made all the difference in our marriage. When Michael surprises me with a random mid-week date night, or brings home flowers for no reason, or I randomly write him a note, or choose to be patient instead of snap…these are all little gestures that show we are choosing each other. We are choosing to continue to grow in love and intimacy every single day. And it’s truly such a beautiful thing. And I hope we continue to grow in this way everyday for the rest of our lives!
So, wherever you’re at in your marriage today…if you’re in a “okay” place, or if you’re in a really hard place, just remember: “nothing worth having comes easy.” Put in the work. Choose to forgive, leave phones at home, press in when you want to shut down, read a book together instead of always watching a show, get a babysitter so you can have a night away together, hold hands even if you’re feeling upset…choose to put in the work and love selflessly, and I promise…it will be so worth it. Always. You will find intimacy and joy on the other side, with your best friend and the love of your life!
SO, y’all might be wondering what our big announcement is! Another highlight of our 4th year of marriage is we bought a house here in Boulder!!! We are beyond excited and so in love with the house! Our closing date is April 3 so fingers crossed everything goes smoothly! I can’t wait to show you guys the house, to host friends and family, and truly make it our home. We truly feel so blessed!
And to Michael, thank you for being my best friend, and for always being by my side no matter what. There’s no one else I’d rather be on this adventure with, and you’re truly the most amazing man I’ve ever know. Love you babe.
Thanks for reading!