tips for intimacy with your spouse during pregnancy
A few weeks ago I took a poll on instagram stories asking y’all which post you’d rather see: tips on intimacy in your marriage during pregnancy, or my story with feeling ‘ready’ for a baby. I did the latter post last week and couldn’t believe all of the sweet comments and messages I got about it! But I had SO many of y’all request that I write about both topics. So, today I’m going to share a few tips with y’all on how Michael and I have maintained intimacy in our marriage during this stage of pregnancy. We are by no means experts in this area, nor do we have it all together. But, I have learned a few tips and tricks over these past 8 months that have been helpful for us that I thought I’d share with y’all today!
Before you get pregnant…your focus in marriage is solely on the two of you. Your finances, your jobs, your families / in-laws, etc. As soon as you see a positive sign on that stick, your entire focus (both as individuals and as a married couple) totally shifts (in my experience!). As a married couple, you’re now preparing for a major life shift (especially if you don’t have kids yet) and a baby entering into your life! It’s amazing! But, if you read my post from last week, you know one of my fears in starting a family was that Michael and I would lose sight of each other, and stop prioritizing our marriage. I think if you’re not careful, throughout pregnancy you can become 100% focused on baby and baby’s arrival and not on continuing to love and pursue each other and grow in your relationship. I imagine the same must be true (times 100) once you actually have kids!
To be honest, pregnancy has actually been such a sweet time in our marriage. I’ve already seen Michael start taking the first steps to becoming a dad. Right when we figured out we were pregnant, on his own accord, he ordered several books on being a Godly father, Godly parenting, raising a daughter, etc. I melted. He has also taken on so much responsibility in helping us prepare for baby – setting up her crib, helping me get her nursery ready, car seat stuff, insurance research, etc. It’s definitely been a team effort! Seeing how he’s stepped into his role as “daddy” already has made me love him even more.
Not only that, but this season has also been sweet because I think we’re both very aware that these are our last few months that we’ll ever get to enjoy life just the two of us (until we’re empty nesters at least!). So, we are doing more date nights than ever, prioritizing more one-on-one time together, and being really intentional with our time and conversations. It’s been really sweet and definitely a season of growth and intimacy in marriage.
So, my advice to help you maintain intimacy in your marriage during pregnancy…first and foremost: be intentional about having time together, and then be intentional with your time together. Try to get a date night in once a week together – whether that means you go out to dinner, or cook at home and just have a great conversations together at the dinner table and finish with a movie! Find time to be one on one together, and then make the most of that time!
My other piece of advice is to go above and beyond in the area of transparency with your spouse during the season. If you’re feeling nervous about becoming a mom, uneasy about the changes your body will go through, insecure about those body changes, etc…talk to your spouse about these things! Don’t let any of those fears or worries or insecurities isolate you from your spouse. This is a new season for both of you and I think it’s 100% normal to be a little nervous or have fear of the unknowns. Let those questions or fears bring you closer, because chances are…you’re both experiencing them! If you’ve had a hard time in the past talking about your feelings with your spouse…let this be a season where you grow in that. Put it all out on the table. Let your husband be your best friend and tell him exactly how you’re feeling every step of the way through your pregnancy.
I’ve definitely shared almost every thought and every feeling about pregnancy with Michael over these past 8 months. And sometimes just vocalizing a fear that I have or an insecurity, and having him speak into it…has made a world of a difference in how I’m feeling about it!
My next piece of advice kind of goes along with the one I just mentioned. But, I think another reason pregnancy has been a great season for us is because pregnancy has been a team effort. Michael and I did a childbirth class for 4 weeks. We went to it together so he knows just as much as I do about childbirth! I bought the book ‘Moms on Call’ to start preparing for the baby…and Michael is reading it too! Michael has come with me to every single pregnancy appointment. I’m not saying those things are all 100% necessary and I know some of this is maybe ‘first baby’ stuff…but I think pregnancy has brought us closer because we are learning and growing in this together!
My last piece of advice for maintaining intimacy throughout your pregnancy is to remember that this baby is a beautiful result of you and your husband’s love for and covenant to each other. So, your number one priority should always still be your spouse. Your number one love should always still be your husband. Throughout pregnancy, yes, your conversations will change to discussions about baby showers and car seats and breast pumps, etc. But, I want to encourage you to continue to love and serve and pursue your husband amidst this new season! Continue to pray for him. Continue to ask him how he’s really doing, how you can pray for him, how you can grow in your role as a wife to him. It’s completely natural and wonderful that your conversations will now involve more baby things. But, that doesn’t mean you neglect your love and pursuit of each other! Don’t ever lose sight of that.
Again, this is our first pregnancy and we are by no means perfect at all of these things, or experts! These are just a few things that have really helped us love this season of pregnancy and continue to grow in our marriage throughout!
Thanks for reading friends! Hope you’re all having a wonderful week!